How moms can shift the narrative when they quit paid jobs to parent
By AMY SOWDER
“What do you do?” is a dreaded question for many modern moms who decided to — or had to — quit their jobs to take care of their young children.
“You don’t have to say that you’re a stay-at-home mom. You can say, ‘Right now, I get to be with my kids, and we’ll see what comes next.’ This is a chapter where you’re going to layer on new skills,” said Neha Ruch, author of “The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids — And Come Back Stronger Than Ever.”
Ruch spoke to women Jan. 27, at the newly-opened Bedford Books at an author talk and book-signing event fewer than two weeks after G.P. Putnam’s Sons, an imprint of Penguin Random House, published her book. Within a few weeks, the book became a USA Today bestseller and made Oprah Daily’s 12 Best Self-Help Books for 2025.
At the Bedford event, Ruch was joined in conversation by Sarah Steinhardt, former producer for ABC’s “Good Morning America” and co-founder of Welcome Baby, a nonprofit organization that provides low-income mothers with a package containing all the items they’ll need for their newborn in the first four weeks of life.
Before authoring this book, in 2017, Ruch founded Mother Untitled, a platform for ambitious women leaning into family life. A public speaker focusing on women, work, parenting and identity, Ruch lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan with her husband, their two children, and their dog, Coconut. The platform and now this book were inspired by her own experience when her second child was born, and Ruch decided to pause her career after 10 years of working in brand strategy and receiving her master’s degree in business administration from Stanford University. She faced outdated stereotypes of stay-at-home moms that didn’t fit with her own experience or that of the modern moms she encountered. That’s when Ruch launched a collective of ambitious women on career pauses, or downshifts, to reshape the narrative and provide visibility to this time of life.
Besides referencing dozens of studies and surveys, the author partnered with Maryland-based independent research firm Proof Insights to survey 1,000 members of the general public and 1,200 stay-at-home mothers, all of whom had at least a bachelor’s degree and a child under 18 living at home. She calls it the “American Mothers on Pause” survey.
At the Bedford event, Ruch said 83 percent of millennials will take a career break because there’s been more dialogue around child care and layoffs.
“There is still bias, so we need to be strategic,” she said. “You can own that part of your story in a more strategic way and minimize the downside. Whether your pause is two years, 10 or 15 years, women can still create a portfolio of experience.”
In reality, many women who parent full time are actually in the gray area, taking on volunteer positions, community activism, part-time work, side projects, freelance and consulting. That’s in addition to handling the unpaid labor of a child care worker, a maid, a personal chef, a house manager, event planner and financial planner.
Ruch was quick to emphasize that downshifting on paid work outside the home doesn’t automatically mean the woman has to be a Super Mom or domestic goddess who handles it all. Sharing the domestic labor is still advised.
“This idea of work being binary, it’s antiquated. Our careers are on a continuum. It’s so much more fluid than we give it credit for,” Ruch said.
If you do only one activity, Ruch told the Bedford crowd, write down how you’d like to spend your time in three years. If that’s the goal, what are little ways you can move toward that goal? Make small, measurable goals in your personal, professional and family life, she said.
In her book, Ruch addresses handling the loss of a second income for the household, spouse expectations, maintaining a network, and how to put your pause in your career portfolio and return to paid work.
“One of the superpowers we see in women returning is a shift in perspective, what they want and what they’re willing to tolerate,” Ruch said. “You’re allowed to take the time to see what lights you up.”