The toxic mix of social media and isolation — and how it’s threatening the mental health of teens and young adults
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This first-person account by Phoebe Sharma, 18, of Mount Kisco, is the fifth article in The Recorder’s series on the youth mental health crisis. It contains references to suicide and other acts of self-harm. Her mother, Betsy Sharma, was interviewed in the previous article in our series.
By PHOEBE SHARMA
I developed symptoms of anxiety, depression and eating disorders at a very young age. I skipped lunches in fifth grade and self-harmed for the first time in seventh grade. In eighth grade, I went to a mental hospital for the first time. I isolated for almost all of middle school and high school and never spent my free time anywhere except for my room and the Xbox room.
I had numerous suicide attempts that got more and more severe, and I was hospitalized for three consecutive Junes in 2020, 2021, and 2022. My final suicide attempt was very nearly successful, and I only survived because my mom came to check on me in the morning when she would usually let me sleep until the afternoon. I do not know if it was the realization that I am alive purely by chance, or if I was tired of feeling bad, but I never attempted or self-harmed again after that, and I remain clean to this day.
I want to use my knowledge and experience to educate people about some things that contributed to my decline, and I hope that people can benefit from this information.
Social media and the internet
In recent years, technology has evolved at an astronomical rate and incorporated itself into almost every moment of our lives. We have surpassed the tipping point where the intake of digital content interferes with real-life interactions. Consequently, struggles with mental health are at an all-time high. While stressors have always been present in day-to-day life, the rise of social media and unrestricted internet access for children and young teens has opened up a new set of complications that must be addressed.
As parents, you will never be perfect, but you will always be able to learn and improve yourself — just like your child.”— Phoebe Sharma
The transition into adolescence marks the inception of a near-decade-long game of mental chess. As a parent, it is nearly impossible to find a balance between healthy, age-appropriate personal space and harmful isolation. Teenagers become increasingly rebellious as they forge their path, making setting boundaries and limiting potentially destructive behavior progressively more complex. On top of everything, most of what teenagers do on the internet is completely alien to their parents, further increasing the difficulty of finding an effective balance.
In my experience, Discord was the most harmful social media platform by far. Discord is the No. 1 platform for online communication, and most people who play video games use it to talk to their friends. Despite Discord being an effective communication outlet among friends while gaming, the level of anonymity and lack of censorship can be hazardous for younger people if they interact with strangers.
Many people take advantage of Discord’s lack of community guidelines and build servers to promote extremely harmful and potentially life-threatening behavior. It is not at all uncommon for child predators to direct message young teens and solicit them for nudes or other sexual acts. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to this behavior; an adolescent’s primary motivator is to fit in and receive validation. They are also far quicker to cave to manipulation, and become subject to predators who threaten physical harm if the victim refuses to do as they are asked. Children are likely to engage with harmful people and share sensitive information or inappropriate content. Individuals with a history of mental illness, destructive behavior and impulsivity are far more susceptible to this kind of manipulation and are often deliberately targeted.
Growing up, I suffered from eating disorders and body dysmorphia, and I joined servers that promoted restricting, purging, over-exercising and so on. In these servers, people post dangerously skinny people or rotten food as “inspo” (inspiration) to continue their eating disorder and lose weight. People would offer or request encouragement from each other in the form of “meanspo” or “sweetspo.” Meanspo was rude; reprimanding the person for eating, calling them names, and telling them how much everyone hates them for how fat they are. Sweetspo was, to me, far more chilling. People would gently encourage each other to continue, emphasizing how happy and beautiful they will be when they reach their goal weight, and providing inspiring mantras to maintain or strengthen their restrictive mindset. It is sickening to think about how people are romanticizing potentially fatal habits and telling young and naive people that they are doing the right thing by starving themselves. Since many people with eating disorders tend to self-harm, people posted photos and videos of their self-harm, receiving compliments on how deep their cuts were. I was a part of these servers for several years, during which I also created a Twitter (now X) account specifically for eating disorders and self-harm.
Much like Discord, X has little censorship and regulations, making it another nexus for people to engage in harmful behavior. However, unlike Discord, in my opinion, teenagers generally don’t need X. Thus, the simple solution would be to disallow access to X during adolescence. Although it would be easiest to prohibit Discord as well, Discord can be necessary to communicate with friends — especially for gamers. Instead of entirely banning the use of the application, it is more practical to limit and monitor access to servers created by strangers.
Adolescents greatly value their privacy, and a quandary arises when the only way to guarantee the prevention of unsafe interactions is to supervise and regulate the servers they join. A potential compromise is granting access to foreign servers with parental permission and periodic check-ins. Using this method, the child can have unrestricted access to servers created by friends while being able to make the conscious decision to forfeit some of their privacy if they choose to join a public server.
Combating isolation
Isolation is far too common in this day and age; depressed teenagers — including my younger self — spend long hours cooped up in their rooms, sometimes only exiting for food or school. The prevalence of screens only exacerbates this quagmire. Alone time is an imperative element of adolescence, but chronic isolation is never healthy. Children require activity and socialization to maintain physical and mental health. If a child is isolated due to depression, anxiety, or any other impairing mental health issue, refrain from putting them on medication until they are getting consistent exercise and nutrition. Physical activity is essential for balancing teenage hormones, and an overwhelming portion of kids are medicated before healthy habits are introduced into the equation. It is extremely easy to concede to resistance, but exercise and a healthy lifestyle are natural antidepressants far more effective than most prescribed. If the issue persists, the next step is therapy, and only after those two steps are taken should medication be considered.
As the world continues to overflow with new information and stimuli, the disconnect between people will only escalate. To prevent this, parents must be educated about the very real dangers of social media while simultaneously remaining conscious and respectful of their children’s boundaries.
Parenting is a journey
Every child has different needs that require different solutions, so it is important to tailor your approach to fit their personality. Pay close attention to your child’s behavior; be wary of the warning signs of mental illness, and always check up on your child — even if it seems like they despise the attention. No matter how independent or self-sufficient they are, they are still a child, and you are still their parent. It can be shocking how easy it is for an adolescent to lie about being OK or happy to gain more freedom.
Parenting is a journey; it is not the child’s fault for struggling, and it is not your fault for not knowing how to help. As parents, you will never be perfect, but you will always be able to learn and improve yourself — just like your child. They are just as human as you are and want to be treated as such. It is never too late to make amends, admit wrongdoings, or apologize, and it is absolutely never too late to offer help. Sometimes, a simple “How can I support you?” can make all the difference; other times, it is a much longer process.
No matter what, they are your child and your responsibility. Care for them with all your might and remember that it is always OK to ask for help — both for you and your child.
Future articles in the series will examine some of the new solutions that medical professionals and local organizations are implementing to address the youth mental health crisis.